Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
they need to just BURY HIM!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
