____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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