Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
