you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
