the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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