i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
