did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You made out with two different species that night
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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