oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
