Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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