Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
