I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
