My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
