i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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