My room smells like vodka and shame
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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