I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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