If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
