I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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