So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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