What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
