This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
