CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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