Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
