I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
