these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
did i walk over a car last night?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
