I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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