Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize