I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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