I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
