So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
please come you make the beer taste better
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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