belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
