i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
