I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
