I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
