in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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