He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
