Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize