If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
