Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
