so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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