R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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