I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
