I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
