The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
