So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
