Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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