So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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