youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
