Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
