im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
