I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
