I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
