The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
