we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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