sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
