theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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