You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
