we have officially lost it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize