I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
