I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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