If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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