I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I want to be your penis for a week.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
