Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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