is your mom at the bar?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
