Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
