Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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