Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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