No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
