Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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