my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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