I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
