I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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