My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
