Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
