I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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