Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
