The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
How's work?
Spinning.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
