We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize