Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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