Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize