Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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