I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize