A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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