Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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