Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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