Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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