dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
