After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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