so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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