I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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